Summer of Love Page 21

  ‘Running out on you, I guess.’ Lily shrugged. ‘And… we both said some pretty awful things.’

  Awful, but true, to a point. And honestly, none of her words had hurt as much as the horrified look in her eyes. ‘Okay, then.’

  A pause, while Lily stared at him, waiting. Alex knew exactly what she was expecting, but he wasn’t going to give it to her. Not yet.

  ‘Aren’t you going to apologise too?’ she asked, eventually.

  ‘For falling in love with you? No.’ Because he wasn’t ever going to be sorry about that part. Lily looked like she was about to argue with him, so he kept talking just to stop her. ‘But I am sorry for the things I said. They were unfair. We both went into this knowing what the other wanted, but –’

  ‘But we both thought we could change the other’s mind,’ Lily finished, with a rueful smile. ‘Guess we’re both as bad as each other.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Alex lifted his bottle of beer to his mouth and drank, as he thought about what he wanted to say next. ‘But I’ve been thinking a lot. And talking with Gareth, and Della.’

  ‘His wife?’

  ‘Soon to be ex-wife.’

  Lily winced. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s sad,’ Alex said, thinking of Della’s determined face the other day. ‘But I think it’s going to be okay.’

  ‘What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.’

  ‘They changed.’ Alex said, and Lily winced. ‘Just like you’re afraid of.’

  ‘I’m more scared I won’t be able to change,’ Lily admitted, her voice so soft he almost didn’t hear. Alex wondered if she’d have said it if it weren’t for the wine. ‘That I’ll never get to finish figuring out who I want to be.’

  Alex shook his head. Didn’t she get it? Even now? ‘The thing is, you’re never done with that, Lily. You’ll keep changing your whole life.’

  She looked up at him, eyes wide. ‘What if I change into someone you can’t love any more?’

  Never happen, Alex thought, instinctively, and knew it was true. He’d seen Lily try on different shades of personality, of costume, of friendship, of anger, even of love. But underneath them all she was always Lily. And that was the part of her he loved.

  But she wouldn’t believe him, he knew that too. So instead, he said, ‘What if I’m willing to take that risk?’

  Lily glanced away, her lips twisted into a grimace. ‘What if I’m not?’

  ‘Then we’re right back where we started.’ Alex felt the weight of that realisation heavy in his heart. He couldn’t let Lily slip out of his grasp, even if she never would love him. He needed her in his life, even if friends was the best they could ever manage, now.

  ‘Look,’ he said, his tone serious. ‘I admit, I was looking at this whole love and marriage thing wrong.’

  She shifted closer to him, wine in hand. Progress. ‘How?’

  ‘I came back here because I thought it was time to get married. I figured I’d just wait for the right girl to show up, then have lifelong happiness, just like Della and Gareth.’

  Lily shook her head. ‘It doesn’t work like that.’

  ‘I know that now. Hell, it didn’t even work for Gareth and Della. Listening to him talk… You were right. People change. And marriage changes you. Even if the changes are good ones.’

  ‘So, you’re not looking to get married any more?’ Lily asked, her tone sceptical.

  Alex shook his head. ‘No, I still want that. One day. But I realize I can’t just rush into it. Can’t just expect my perfect future to show up as easily as my photography studio did. I just… Honestly, I’m not sure what I want right now. But I am sorry that I thought you were just reacting to how things ended with Edward. That I assumed you’d come round to my way of thinking. You made it very clear what you were offering. This should only ever have been a fling.’

  Lily gave him a sad smile. ‘Yeah. But I think we went a bit too far.’

  ‘And too fast,’ Alex agreed. If he’d taken his time, built up to it slowly… But she’d consumed him. From that first touch of her lips, he hadn’t been able to think of anything. And that kind of passion was dangerous. It wasn’t love, it wasn’t forever. It was just heartbreak in waiting.

  Exactly as it had turned out. And he wasn’t putting himself in that position again in a hurry.

  Lily glanced away. ‘Far, far too fast.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘So, what do we do now?’ Lily asked, and Alex shrugged.

  ‘I think that’s up to you.’ She knew how he felt about her, despite his attempts to backtrack. So she had to choose what happened next.

  ‘Friends?’ Lily asked. ‘Like before. But without all the sexual tension.’

  ‘Been there, done that, huh?’ Alex wished that didn’t sting quite so much.

  ‘More, moving slower, this time.’

  The sting blossomed into hope. ‘Slower. I can do that.’

  ‘So, friends?’

  Alex stretched out a hand for her to shake, ignoring the way his arm tingled as they touched. That wasn’t what this was, any more. ‘Friends,’ he echoed, trying to ignore the yawning hole inside him that said it wasn’t enough. Wouldn’t ever be enough for them.

  ‘While I’m delighted you two are talking again,’ Cora said, appearing beside them, ‘I’m afraid Lily has a very important maid of honour duty to take up right now.’

  Lily looked up, her forehead adorably creased in confusion. ‘I do?’

  Cora nodded. ‘Karaoke!’

  Lily glared at her as the man running the karaoke called her name. ‘Are you even going to give a clue to what I’m singing?’

  Cora and Gareth just laughed. ‘Trust me, you’ll love it.’

  And as Lily took the microphone, and the first notes of the Beautiful South’s ‘Don’t Marry Her (Fuck Me)’ blasted out the speaker, even Alex had to admit, it was pretty much perfect for her.

  * * * *

  Lily bit back a laugh as the music started, and concentrated on hitting the words and the notes in the right order, rather than collapsing into giggles. She rolled her eyes at Gareth and Cora as she started, but soon got side-tracked by the way Alex was smiling at her. A friendly smile. No hidden heat behind it now. Just like she’d wanted.

  Really.

  And since she didn’t want to embarrass herself any more than strictly necessary, Lily figured she had to stop thinking about what she didn’t have any longer and focus on the song. So she smiled out into the wider audience in the pub and threw herself into the lyrics.

  Unfortunately, that meant she was looking up at the door when it opened, and Edward walked in, an unknown blonde on his arm.

  Lily stumbled over half a line, and glanced down at her table to see Cora glaring at the door. Gritting her teeth, Lily focused back in on the words on the screen and picked it up again. Edward was no longer part of her life. She sure as hell wasn’t going to let him ruin Cora’s hen night.

  It was just that she looked so much like her, Lily thought, when her equilibrium had returned enough to study Edward’s latest fiancée again. Not just the blonde hair, but the same height, same build. The face was different, sure, but she was even wearing the same sort of outfit Edward had always said he liked on her, when they were together.

  This was more than just having a type. This was Edward finding someone more willing to fit the mould he’d decided on for his wife, since Lily wouldn’t do it. Lily watched him place a hand on the woman’s shoulder to guide her, just like he’d always done with her. It had driven her crazy, right from the start.

  Her replacement didn’t seem to mind so much. But maybe she would, given enough time.

  Not Lily. That would never happen to her. She’d be her own person forever. And if she had to do that alone? Fine.

  She sang out the last lines of the song with real force, and belief, and managed a wide, manic smile when Edward looked up suddenly. Even across the bar, she could see the alarm on his face, the way he froze halfway between the bar and the
stage. Did he think she was singing for him? Smirking, she gave him a little wave, and hopped off the stage, back to their table.

  ‘I really hope somebody ordered some more wine,’ she said, sliding back into her seat.

  ‘Gareth’s just gone to the bar,’ Cora replied. ‘So, was that her then?’

  Lily shrugged. ‘I assume so.’ Seeing Alex’s confused look, she explained. ‘Edward appears to have found himself a new fiancée.’

  ‘That was quick,’ Alex said, eyebrows raised. Then he added, ‘She’s nothing like you.’

  And suddenly it didn’t matter that she was blonde, or wore the sort of clothes Lily had pushed to the back of her wardrobe. ‘No,’ she agreed. ‘She really isn’t.’

  * * * *

  ‘Friends, I ask you!’ Cora shook her head as she recounted Lily and Alex’s latest attempt at denial the night before. ‘As if the two of them are ever going to manage that.’

  Across the bedroom, Rhys pulled on a shirt over his jeans, and Cora was forced to stop ogling his naked chest. She really was marrying a very attractive man.

  ‘Maybe friends is what they want,’ Rhys said mildly. ‘And it’s none of our business anyway.’

  ‘They’re my friends!’ Cora said, sitting up straighter on the bed. ‘Of course it’s my business. I want to see them happy and any idiot can see they’re happiest together.’

  ‘A few weeks ago, you wanted Lily back together with Edward,’ Rhys pointed out. ‘Look how that worked out. Just stay out of it, Cora.’

  Cora blinked at him. ‘Why are you cross with me?’

  ‘I’m not cross,’ Rhys said, but since he spoke through gritted teeth Cora didn’t believe him.

  ‘Yes, you are. What have I done?’

  Rhys shook his head. ‘Nothing.’

  Irritation rose up in Cora’s throat. ‘No, really, I want to know. I mean, other than caring about our friends. Or organizing our perfect wedding.’

  ‘Your perfect wedding.’

  ‘Oh yes, because you won’t be there or anything.’ She meant it sarcastically, but a sudden fear made her shake at the idea. What if he didn’t turn up? What if he decided not to marry her?

  Ridiculous. Of course he was going to show up. They were in love. They were going to live happily ever after. That was the plan.

  ‘Would you really notice if I wasn’t?’ Rhys asked, his tone bitter. ‘I mean, if the flowers weren’t quite the right shade of pink, sure. Or if the band were ten minutes late. But we’re getting married the day after tomorrow, and I’m starting to think I might be incidental to the whole thing.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid,’ Cora snapped. ‘What’s the point of all this, if we don’t get married at the end of it?’

  Rhys’s smile was sad. ‘I’m not sure that is the point any more. That’s the problem.’

  Cora stared at him. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean, it’s my stag night tonight. I’m going out in a minute, and then tomorrow is going to be chaos, and before we know it, the next time we’ll see each other is at the altar in the church. And all you’ve spoken about since I got home is whether the flowers will be ready on time, to not forget the cheque for the band, whether my speech is too long, and even whether Alex and Lily will still be friends tomorrow. Not a word about us, or the fact that this time on Saturday, we’ll be a married couple.’

  Cora blinked at him. ‘There’s just… There’s a lot to do. And I’ve had to do it all.’

  ‘You wanted to do it all. I tried to help.’

  ‘When? You half-heartedly folded one invitation. That doesn’t count.’

  ‘Because I couldn’t do it perfectly enough for you.’ Rhys shook his head. ‘Look, I love you. I’m always going to love you. But to be honest, I really can’t wait for this whole circus to be over and done with. Maybe then I’ll get my Cora back.’

  Cora stared after him as he left the room, and it wasn’t until the front door slammed that she realized he’d really gone.

  And she had to make things better with him. Before they got married.

  * * * *

  ‘Damn it!’ Lily smacked her hand against her work desk as the pearls she was stringing slipped from her grasp, again, scattering across the wood, a few dropping to the floor. This should be easy, something she’d done a thousand times, but for some reason she just couldn’t get it right today.

  Maybe it was because the necklace, earrings and bracelet set were for Cora. Her bridal jewellery. The things she’d chosen to wear on the most important day of her life, and she’d trusted Lily to make them. And with everything that was going on, Lily had left it to the last moment, and now she was on a deadline. Maybe that was making her nervous.

  Except she’d kept a steady hand all through the moulding, heating, setting, and finishing of Cora’s engagement ring, and the wedding rings for her and Rhys,’ which were sitting securely in her office safe. So why would a few pearls and crystals be defeating her now?

  More likely, it was the wine at the pub last night. Or seeing Edward. Or the idea of being friends with Alex again, when the dreams that had kept her tossing and turning half the night told her she wanted more. She wondered if he was having trouble focusing the camera, tonight. He was at his studio, just across the way, taking engagement shots for another of her clients. She could pop over and see how he was getting on. If he was going to be done in time to make Rhys’s stag do.

  Or was that too relationshippy? Friends wouldn’t do that, would they?

  All she really wanted to do was stop by, say hi, and feel his arms around her for a moment. Or even just step out for a drink and chat for a while, about everything and nothing, like they had back when they were just friends.

  But that would be too much like a relationship, wouldn’t it? And she’d made it very clear to him that she didn’t want that. And, even if he still thought he loved her, neither did he.

  Alex was the forever type. He’d declared love after one month. Nobody lost that kind of romanticism so quickly. And she couldn’t afford to encourage that. Sure, one day, he’d probably meet his perfect complement in some woman, just like it seemed Edward had done, and they’d be married in a matter of days.

  But even then, maybe she’d get to keep him as a friend. As long as she didn’t let him get the wrong idea.

  Except… she missed him. So damn much.

  Sighing, Lily collected the last of the wandering pearls and started to string them again, interspersing them with the tiny crystals Cora had chosen, which would catch every glimmer of sunlight and make her sparkle. If she could ever get the damn thing finished in time.

  She was focusing so hard, she didn’t hear the chime above the door go as it opened. In fact, the moment she realized Cora was standing in the shop was when she said, ‘Is that my necklace?’ and Lily jumped so much in surprise that she dropped the whole thing. Again.

  She was starting to think this necklace was cursed. Maybe the old superstition about pearls bringing tears was true. Maybe Cora shouldn’t wear it. Actually, if she told Cora the superstition there was no way she’d want pearls for her wedding day, and Lily could get out of making the damn thing.

  Except that wasn’t a very best friendly thing to do. So instead, she sighed and started collecting in the beads again as she said, ‘It is. If I can get it finished.’

  ‘Well, I’m afraid it’s going to have to wait a little longer.’

  Lily looked up to see Cora biting her lip, eyes wide and shining. ‘Why?’

  Cora held up a small statue of the Virgin Mary. ‘The weather forecast is predicting rain for Saturday, and my Great Aunt Matilda told me months ago that if I buried this in the earth it would be sure to bring sunshine. At this point, I’m thinking in a hanging basket. We’re running out of time, and she’ll be closer to God that way.’ Lily stared at her. ‘Also, I had a fight with Rhys and you have to help me fix it.’

  ‘Well, okay then.’ Lily put the pearls aside. It seemed there were more urgent things to sort before t
his particular wedding than the bridal jewellery, after all.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It took almost an hour to find the perfect hanging basket spot for the Virgin Mary, but less than half a bottle of wine for Cora to spill the full details of the argument. And she still looked utterly miserable, even with deity-guaranteed good weather and alcohol in hand.

  ‘He thinks he’s less important to me than the wedding,’ Cora said. ‘How could I let that happen?’

  ‘Well, you have been kind of…’ Lily tried to find a way to put it tactfully, then gave up, ‘…obsessed, lately.’

  ‘Weddings take a lot of planning!’ Cora objected, wine sloshing over the side of her glass as she sat suddenly upright.

  ‘And relationships take a lot of work if you want them to last, I guess,’ Lily said. ‘Not that I’d know, obviously.’

  Cora’s eyes narrowed. ‘Seriously. What’s going on with you and Alex?’

  ‘We’ve decided to be friends,’ Lily said, as unemotionally as she could. ‘We agreed that things moved too far and too fast between us, and given that we both want very different things out of a relationship, it was better to just stay friends.’

  ‘That’s utter bollocks,’ Cora said. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Well, it’s what’s happening.’ Lily looked down into her glass of wine and wished it didn’t make her feel so bloody miserable.

  Cora shifted closer, their knees touching, and made Lily look up at her. ‘In that case, tell me honestly. If you could be sitting here with anyone in the world at this moment, who would you pick? And don’t say me because, quite honestly, I’d rather be with my husband-to-be right now.’

  Lily wanted to lie. Wanted to make a joke and pick a celebrity, or even shut Cora up by saying Edward, or her mum, or anyone except the truth.

  But Cora had been her best friend her whole life, and she’d know. She always did.

  ‘It’s not as easy as that,’ Lily said, but Cora didn’t let her finish.

  ‘Yes. Yes it is.’ Putting her wine glass down on the coffee table between them, Cora took Lily’s hands in her own. ‘I get that you’re scared, and that you feel you lost the real you when you were with Edward. But the real you is in love with Alex, whether you want to admit it or not.’